Update.

So, I've been on spring break for the past week, and not only has it been the most relaxing week ever... it's also just brought new surprises.

I've become more independent, as it goes with friends. I finally realize completely that I don't need most of the friends I've had. I've also gotten closer to others who are now new friends.

The biggest surprise this break is the fact that we're supposed to move again.[what? again?] I don't mind at all. I don't have any life long friendships at Stratford anyways. I don't have any friends in my neighborhood and don't even care for the living space we have. I guess I just got used to the living arrangements and feeling horrible everyday at school. Then I actually made friends and their all good friends, just not 'real' friendships. And using that term, I mean that I haven't made any relationships at Stratford to where I hangout with them outside of school, and I probably won't miss them when I leave.

I know God has a bigger and better plan for me. And moving makes sense to me. Everytime that we move I get closer to God. I get farther away from my relying on others and I begin to rely on God more. I know that the first time I moved I was pretty upset. I was leaving my best friends and just the simplicity of life there. But... I wasn't relying on God and I wasn't in a good place. I almost can't wait to see what goes on.

If we do move, we're moving to Johns Island. Apparently Johns Island schools suck so we'd have to go to schools on James Island. [I'd attend James Island Charter High School] or I could be home schooled, which doesn't sound too bad to me since I hate school.

Probably the weirdest part of it all will be going to a new church, if we do in fact go to a new church. I've attended Grace Fellowship for half my life. And though I've wanted to go to a new church, to have a youth group... I just don't know how it is to go to another church. I'll probably have to start dressing up. D: lol...

Well. the point is... I'm moving. But this time I'm leaning on God and not myself so it's all good [:

for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." - Romans 10:13

For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. - 1 Corinthians 15:22

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. - 2 Peter 3:9

Goodbye.

So, I've been thinking about this for a while... and I'm starting the process of getting rid of anything/everything that doesn't meet the standards of God.
Such as I'm getting rid of a lot of music.

(Luke 14:33 (New International Version)
33In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.)


I'm in a really good mood. I'm just so thankful that I have God and I'm finally trying to do everything I can to get closer to him.

So, I don't think I got the Chick-Fil-A job, I haven't gotten the call, but I have a gut feeling it's not for me, not this time. I have plans this summer. I know more than anything that I wan't/need to be volunteering for Camp Agape this summer. And my family is thinking about going to Texas to visit family I haven't seen in at least 5 years. I may be wrong, but I know it's Gods will so I'm no worried.








Mark 16:15-18 (New International Version)
15He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well."

Well, it's been a while.

... Yeah.

I don't know.



I've gotten a lot closer to God in the past few months, more than ever. And I'm truly trying. I finally get the whole, 'your nothing, with out christ thing.' Because everyday I get to some moment where I'm like, 'I can do this.' Then I have to remind myself 'I can do this, through Christ.' Or that point in the day, [usually in the morning] where I feel like crap. And I'm like, 'I am nothing.' And then I have to remind myself that God makes me strong. It's true that with out him I am nothing. I am weak. I am just like the dust in the wind. But with him I am stronger than anyone. Than any force. So, daily I've been reminding myself of Gods love.

I've been going to this group called Life Hurts, God Heals with a few of my friends [Leslie & Amanda] on sunday nights for a few weeks now. And the first time I went there I didn't think I belonged there, I was too 'ahead' of the others. But I stopped myself and reminded myself that God had me there for a reason. So, I continued going. I enjoy it more than anything. Not only for my relationships that have grown [Amanda & Leslie] but also meeting all the people there. It's weird how being in a group like that can bring up all these weird emotions you didn't know we're there.

It's so weird. Getting closer to God. On the 26th of this month it will have been 3 months since I've rededicated myself to God. And these have been the hardest, easiest, and happiest months of my life. I find myself questioning everything. What I'm doing, what others are doing, what I say, who I hang out with... which is hard at times. To monitor everything. But these past few months have been amazingly easy also... It's just realizing that God has always been there for me. And I've never been so happy, as I am now. The only thing that irks me beyond belief is seeing so many people. People I love, and thinking about whether their saved or not. If I've witnessed to them. It just bothers me so much. Especially knowing that you might have hindered someones progress at some point. I don't know.

Tomorrow I have my first interview. I'm totally freaking out inside. I have no clue what to wear, I have no clue what they'll ask, or if I'll get the job. Which I guess is all pretty much usual. It just... feels weird applying for a job. I've always done things later than everyone else. I'm about to turn 17 and I'm just now going out for a job...but my best fried isn't even 16 and she's applying for the same job. My entire life I've gone at a slower pace than others, and it just has annoyed me my entire life. But I'm not sure if it's such a bad thing now.. It either means I don't go for things, or that I think on things before I act.

It's weird that now I'm getting closer to God everything else has less importance. I used to live for writing. It was the only thing that kept me going. Writing stories, poems, songs. But now I don't need to write at all, I find it more soothing to read the bible. I'm constantly reading the bible... trying to find an answer. I know Gods the answer. But I mean, the answers to my questions, my faults, my future. My pastor once said that a lot of people say that God is directing them to be a pastor or whatever but you don't really know for sure until they are a pastor and you see their work and if it changes lives, and if it's Gods work. I've felt God telling me I need to serve others. I think thats obvious since I just want to volunteer for camps and things, but I've felt this need to teach Gods word. I don't know if I'll try and become a pastor, or whatever that takes. Because part of me is still trying to find something, anything else that I'm supposed to do. But since I've started following God completely, nothing means half of what it used to. And nothing gives me the joy God does, or learning and telling others about him does.



John 14:27 (NIV) 27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Well then, update -

This past week was a very stressful and empty week. I'm not sure why but I just felt like crap and didn't care about much. Luckily that's over and today was pretty swell.

The past two sunday nights I've gone to Life Hurts, God Heals - which is like a youth group [theres many around the united states] and we talk about our feelings and relationship with God - It's a really chill place so, I like going.

Right now I'm mostly thinking about School - whether or not I wan't to transfer to Canebay next school year. Grades, because I've screwed off up until this semester. And of course college opportunities. I'm also thinking about getting a job... I'm hoping that the new chick fil a opening up by my house will hire me, so we'll see how that goes in late March, early April.

Check out Falling Up and Addison Road, two good, christian bands.

"Whatever is covered up will be uncovered, and every secret will be made known. So then, whatever you have in the dark will be heard in broad daylight." Luke 12:2-3

Waiting,

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5

I miss you love,

Artists I must advise you to listen to...
They aren't christian artists [because I find it quite hard to find folk/rock christian artists]
But:
Sia
Maria Mena
Carolina Liar
Kate Nash.
I adore them all.
And I advise everyone to watch Mamma Mia! I love it.


I'm making plans for the summer!
[:

Well - of course I'm going to be doing some field trip thing to become a jr. counselor for Camp Happy Days [a camp for kids with cancer and their siblings.]
And I just decided I'm going to become support staff at Camp Agape [Church of God of Prophecy camp] and maybe do it for one or two weeks... and also go to a week of camp for myself.

Doesn't that sound exciting? I've always wanted to be a counselor at Camp Happy Days, but since getting closer to God and everything I've wanted to be a counselor and stuff for Camp Agape, since I mostly give credit to the people there for my belief in God.

I don't have much more to say, lol. I just wanted to talk about my summer [:
[which is more than a few months away.]

Money, Money, Money

Must be funny in a rich mans world.

[Mamma Mia!] I adore it, haha.




Anyways.
Revival started wednesday.

Wednesday - Brother Looper talked about how you have to bring your family and friends to God, which really made me think of my brother. I know he's had a relationship with God at some point, but he's at the exact same place I was at his age. Not believing in God. I feel bad for him. I feel like crap because it's partly my fault, I was never a good example for my brother -- He doesn't really have a good example of a christian who doesn't fall into temptations constantly and refrains from cursing or physical acts of violence. Like... the only 'christians' he knows are people who claim to be christians, and though I am christian, and I'm trying, I'm just starting out and I just feel over whelmed. What am I supposed to do?

Thursday - Brother Looper was talking about many things. Mostly that most people who claim to be christians aren't. That most of the world will claim to believe in God but only believe in parts of his word, or only refrain from certain things. It made me think a lot, what about what I'm doing? No, I'm not out smoking weed or drinking, but I'm also not spending my time wisely and praying to God and reading the word every free moment I have. I'm watching pointless telivision thats just putting worse thoughts in my mind. I think I'm going to refrain from most of the tv shows I watch, which will be really hard for me,but he said "If you are in love with God, then you can give anything up for him." And it made me think, if I we're in love with a human, a boy, then I would spend all my time for and with him, but then I refuse to spend all my time on God? I love him more than anything. I do. Sometimes I question my belief and love. I don't think I can love to the extent of everyone else... but... I'm trying.

A lot of people don't realize what happened to me.
A lot of people that know about it, don't realize what affect it had on me.
I don't know.

I'm really worried about all the money I owe at GCHS for band fees. I almost wish I didn't join in the first place.
I'm really worried about my future, grades; classes; college; scholarships; ect.
I'm really worried.

I have a writers block.
I wish I had emotions lately.


I miss everyone.