Money, Money, Money

Must be funny in a rich mans world.

[Mamma Mia!] I adore it, haha.




Anyways.
Revival started wednesday.

Wednesday - Brother Looper talked about how you have to bring your family and friends to God, which really made me think of my brother. I know he's had a relationship with God at some point, but he's at the exact same place I was at his age. Not believing in God. I feel bad for him. I feel like crap because it's partly my fault, I was never a good example for my brother -- He doesn't really have a good example of a christian who doesn't fall into temptations constantly and refrains from cursing or physical acts of violence. Like... the only 'christians' he knows are people who claim to be christians, and though I am christian, and I'm trying, I'm just starting out and I just feel over whelmed. What am I supposed to do?

Thursday - Brother Looper was talking about many things. Mostly that most people who claim to be christians aren't. That most of the world will claim to believe in God but only believe in parts of his word, or only refrain from certain things. It made me think a lot, what about what I'm doing? No, I'm not out smoking weed or drinking, but I'm also not spending my time wisely and praying to God and reading the word every free moment I have. I'm watching pointless telivision thats just putting worse thoughts in my mind. I think I'm going to refrain from most of the tv shows I watch, which will be really hard for me,but he said "If you are in love with God, then you can give anything up for him." And it made me think, if I we're in love with a human, a boy, then I would spend all my time for and with him, but then I refuse to spend all my time on God? I love him more than anything. I do. Sometimes I question my belief and love. I don't think I can love to the extent of everyone else... but... I'm trying.

A lot of people don't realize what happened to me.
A lot of people that know about it, don't realize what affect it had on me.
I don't know.

I'm really worried about all the money I owe at GCHS for band fees. I almost wish I didn't join in the first place.
I'm really worried about my future, grades; classes; college; scholarships; ect.
I'm really worried.

I have a writers block.
I wish I had emotions lately.


I miss everyone.